I can't believe in four short days my oldest is turning three! I know every mom says it each and every year that passes in their childs life, but the surpise is the same: another year that flew by, another year of growth and laughter, another year of experiences and cherished memories, another year older! But it hasn't always been the case that time has flown by. When I was told at 18 that I would not be able to have children naturally on my own, it was anything but that. In fact, time would creap by at a snails pace day by day as I wallowed in the thought of never being able to create a family of my own. I can remember standing in the return line at target, waiting behind a family with multiple kids & a young baby and those seconds staring a a reality I only hoped for felt like years. That first year of my news was a challenging one! I was angry, sad, frustrated... the list could go on. My hopes and dreams of becoming a mother seamed so distant and I wondered what my life would account to if I did not accomplish that goal. As the months went by I began to cope and accept my news. I even began to feel hopefull as I looked into options to adopt one day in the furture. I knew there was a baby out there who needed love and I was would be running to him/her with open arms to be their mom!
Years went by. Ryan and I began dating and I quickly informed him of my circumstances of not being able to concieve. He was immediately accepting of that news which made me fall for him all the more! After college, we moved to Austin for work and to begin our "grown up life" just a few months later, we got the biggest surprise of of our life and our biggest blessing when I found out I was expecting a baby! I do not even know what prompted me to take a pregnancy test as I was very well aware that it would always show a negative. But not that day in August, when two fiant pink lines apearred on the screen. I stared in disbelief, trembling with nerves, heart pounding with excitement! A week later I took another test and still the same two pink lines appeaed! It was real, I was going to be a mom!
Now almost three years, those days of heartache and frustration seam long behind me, but are still the foundation of my story. Everyday I stare at my two little miracles and smile with joy. But especially on April 22nd, the day Clark was born, I look back and feel so much gratitude and tear up from all the emotions of my journey to motherhood.
I know the reality of infertility effects too many of us and to all of those who have struggled with infertility or are currently experienceing challenges to have children, I hope this brings you hope that even if your answer has been no, that still, maybe one day, God will give you a big YES!
love and hugs,