I have struggled with how much to share of my personal life with friends and family. Some topics most dear to my heart and the hardest to share with people as I want to protect the issue, but to keep these things hidden and secret I have found makes it so much more difficult when it is a topic that I think about and reflect on daily! So Where to begin....
When I was 18, I was told I would not be able to concieve kids naturally. This news was absolutely devestating and took its toll on my life for what felt like quite some time. For anyone who knew me, I have always been a mom at heart and have had a love for kids since I was a kid myself. After some time, I adjusted to these new facts of my life and began considering adoption from that moment on.
When I met my husband, Ryan, I was very upfront and open and told him right away about my infertility issues. We openly discussed the possibility and desire of adoption to grow our family in the future! We were shocked (in every good way) with the surprise news were were expecting our son, Clark. After delivering Clark, we rediscussed what we believed to be my infertility issues with my doctor and she said "If it happened once, it could happen again" However, the flame in our hearts to adopt still existed and last year we began the process to adopt. I spent countless hours researching agencies, countries, blogs of personal stories on adoption. After discovering the stingent age, marriage, income and countless other requirements, we decided on Korea as our Country of choice!
In the months after, we stumbled upon a sweet little boy in the waiting child program and felt in our hearts the desire to call him ours! We applied to be matched with him and with high hopes, we were denied the match on the basis He and Clark had an age difference of only 6 months (they require 9 months) My heart broke for this child I already felt to be mine and have imagined in our family forever.
We reflected on our options through the holiday and took some time to decompress from the news. It was then that we began trying to conceive with no expectations we would have such great luck right away! In the time since, I have kept checking in on this special boy, so saddened to see he was still available and knowing the loving home we could have provided. Then Just a few weeks ago, lying awake thinking at night, I saw the best news, He had a family!! I couldn't help by cry tears of joy and sadness but overall so happy his life would finally be moving forward in the best possible way, with a family to love him forever! I hope he always knows unconditional love, support and how special he is. I know he will never know us but I will always remember him and the impact he has left on my life.
Our life and family has already grown in ways beyond what I ever would have imagined at 18 and the desire to adopt still burns strongly in my heart! I can't wait for the day to come that we do hear those wonderful words "youv'e been matched" and we have another sweet blessing to call ours and bring home to love forever!