A Year of Reflection

Today I turn 27! We celebrated this morning with chocolate cake for breakfast before the kids went to school! Hey, I can make the rules, its my birthday ya know and will gladly have them run off their sugar high while they are in someone elses care lol

The last few days I have been reflecting on this past year and just how much has unfolded in our lives. There has been alot of things! A lot of joys, blessings, challenges, losses, failures, setbacks, achievements & many adventures along the way! Each year I am surprised just how much "life" we have truely fit into the past 12 months and thinking it will slow down the next year, but itsead life only speeds up!

One year ago, upon turning 26, I sat in the triage Labor & Delivery room after the fluid in my legs became so great that it left an imprint of my thumb in my swollen shin that never went away from that morning. This comes after spending 12 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia and wondering if this would be the day we had to deliver my daughter prematurally. One week later, Addison was born and we were so blessed that we made it until 37 weeks, a milestone we never imagined we would achieve. When they laid Addison on my chest that morning, I looked down to see my sweet girl to see she was blue from head to toe. The cord had been wrapped around her neck on the way out causing this to happen, but Thank the Lord, they were able to suction & stimulate her to breath without drastic intervention. We spent 4 days in the hospital with jaundice and feeding issues and happily took our baby home. The first 6 weeks having Addison home we were on a serious baby high and the world was complete rainbows and butterflies as we cuddled our little girl day in and day out.

Junuary 2nd, I returned to work and at three months old, Addison had her first day of Daycare. 1 week later I rushed her to the hospital because she couldn’t breath and was gasping for air. The nurse took her from me and fled down the hallways where doctors and nurses met us and began administering meds to opened her airway so she could breath again. She had caught croup.

Life didn't slow down, 1 month later my sweet aunt Marcy passed away, ending her battle with cancer. Her death was foreseen but a challenge to come to acceptance with and we continue to miss her dearly. That same month the company I went back to work with was not compensating me my full paychecks. Our bank accounts began to decrease as we had to use our savings to make up for what we weren’t given, what I was rightfully owed. We sold Ryan’s Truck to make ends meet. It took 12 weeks to finally be paid. Talk about stressful! But you do what you have to at times and with two busy kiddos we pursued the joy and laughter they brought which made up greatly for the stress we felt.

In March, my neighbor and forever friend passed away suddenly from an aortic aneurism. The day before I was at her house cracking jokes and eating cake, and the next… gone! Walking out of my house that Friday evening, I gazed across the greenbelt to her home on the corner lot to find cops walking into her house to collect her body. I was devastated. While there, they determined time of death only minutes after our last goodbye. Our last hug, our last I love you! I would never have imagined it our final farewell and think about and miss her daily. She truly embodied the saying “to the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world” She changed my whole world for the better and is an inspiration to me daily, but my heart misses her so very much.

Intermixed with these events are starting new side businesses, pursuing photography, chasing down toddlers, balancing work and motherhood, creating pillows, watching Addison learn to crawl and walk and just #allthethings that life as a working mom with two little kids brings. To say it was a busy, exhausting, emotional year for us is an understatement. We have been pushed further mentally than we ever thought possible while keeping house and the composure of two kids who thankfully don’t seam to sense the stress and as kids should, only act out when they get peanut butter crackers in stead of cheese crackers!

During these times work became a different job than the one I left before maternity leave and I began reflecting on not what I wanted to do, but who I wanted to be in this world! I knew I was not happy in my role and my body felt awful too, it acted out with headaches, nausea, bloating and fatigue as I internallized these stresses and grew more and more confused on what my career path looked like. I began trialing new activities as new sparks of ideas would come to mind. So I pursued them, I tried and failed, tried and failed, it was tiring, draining, hard work, late nights and exhausting days sometimes, but you know what, I kept trying. I kept trying becasue I knew one day, I would get it right and that would make all the difference.

Over the past year the world has changed me and I like to think of it as for the better. I see that we are not guaranteed a long life, but that does not mean we cannot make it a FULL life! One of great Joy, Blessings and IMPACT! We have the ability each and every day to choose who we will be and how we treat others! We don’t have to be defined by our job titles, our degrees, and societies labels. We get to define ourselves based by our own definition. I choose to create my identity based in sincere connections with others, positivity, encouragement and impact. I choose to be the girl who keeps putting one foot in front of her even on the days the world feels like it is crumbling beneath them. Who continues to see the glass half full, even when there is only one drop left in the cup.

So year 27! I hope you are one of joy! Of great adventure! Of new experiences! Of growth, wealth, success… but most of all I hope I can impact lives the way lives have impact me this past year!

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